So, life is kind of confusing for me right now. I am trying to stay %100 in my job at the same time realizing that my commitment to the Public Relations department is almost over. It's hard to stay "all in" when you know that your time is coming to a close and it's easy to move on to "what's next?" I mean, I can't just not think about the future at all...if I did that then I would wake up one day unemployed and I don't think that being unemployed would be a good thing.
SO, what should I do? There is the option of going overseas full-time...but to where? I mean, I started to have an interest and it's turning out to not be a good decision for right now. It's too incredibly violent. I don't know where else I might be interested. My heart has been in European countries for a very long time but it cost so much to live there. Am I living out of fear and having little faith? or am I being somewhat realistic since the economy stinks these days?
Other options: stay in the U.S., try to find a job at a church somewhere. I would be cool to work in a missions department at a church. OR, with a college age ministry somewhere. Hmm...I just don't know.
Honestly, I don't really feel like I am good at anything to even go looking for what's next. I think this would come with finding strength in the Lord and my gifts in Him. But who knows...maybe I'm not good at anything. I like to do meaningless, repetitive jobs but I don't know if working in a factory putting a lugnut on the same piece of machinery for the rest of my life is a good choice either.
Sigh...I wish that the Lord would just tell me...plain as day...Echo, my child, I want you to do ____________. Yes, I would like that I think:)
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Monday, October 13, 2008
Stay tuned...same bat time...same bat channel...
Heading out on the road again today:) This might be my last trip for the fall...time is FLYING by so fast! More updates on real life stuff soon!
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Take a deep breath...now pull your act together.
As I stood there and listened to him tell me how much I suck at life I fought back tears. Why again am I hearing this? Thoughts rolled through my head as he continually mentioned the fact I am pessimistic and that I am not joyful enough. Thoughts of possible reasons why I am that way? Thoughts on how do I make it better? Thoughts of not ever being good enough and perhaps when I took the career assessment class in high school and it told me to be a bus driver and I thought, no way...but what if it was right?
I've struggled all of my life with not really ever feeling like I was good enough. I mean, I finished high school in the middle of my class. I didn't really apply myself in college either...perhaps I could have done better or maybe I was trying to mask my stupidity. Of course, I was never the pretty girl either and day in and day out that is still a struggle for me. Sure, I am made the way that the Lord made me but it doesn't seem to be good enough for the people surrounding me. I mean, why does he make some out to be so asthetically pleasing while the rest of us get to sit back and watch? I look at myself now and I think, well, it's the way I look...too bad world, you deal with not being ok with the way that I look. But how do I change the rest of me?
How do I change the part that doesn't, can't, and won't please everyone? The thing is...I don't know how to be happy doing things that I don't want to do. I didn't realize that it was so bad until everyone drops the bomb that I suck at life...really? Tonight I wanted to throw in the towel...I wanted to be done with ministry. Not because I thought he was wrong...but because he is right and I don't know if I can make it. I don't know if I have what it takes.
As I drove home the tears started to fall...mostly because I was telling myself that I had this coming and I'm not cut out to do this...for most of the ride I WANTED to cry and then I yelled at myself to cry...that's when the first tear fell.
I have ten more months in the position that I currently hold...after that, I don't know what I am doing. I want the next ten months to be spent giving it the good old college try...actually...I want to try more than I did while I was in college...but you get the picture. I need to reinvent myself...revise, renew, rejuvenate, and possibly realize...what I may realize...well, we will see.
I've struggled all of my life with not really ever feeling like I was good enough. I mean, I finished high school in the middle of my class. I didn't really apply myself in college either...perhaps I could have done better or maybe I was trying to mask my stupidity. Of course, I was never the pretty girl either and day in and day out that is still a struggle for me. Sure, I am made the way that the Lord made me but it doesn't seem to be good enough for the people surrounding me. I mean, why does he make some out to be so asthetically pleasing while the rest of us get to sit back and watch? I look at myself now and I think, well, it's the way I look...too bad world, you deal with not being ok with the way that I look. But how do I change the rest of me?
How do I change the part that doesn't, can't, and won't please everyone? The thing is...I don't know how to be happy doing things that I don't want to do. I didn't realize that it was so bad until everyone drops the bomb that I suck at life...really? Tonight I wanted to throw in the towel...I wanted to be done with ministry. Not because I thought he was wrong...but because he is right and I don't know if I can make it. I don't know if I have what it takes.
As I drove home the tears started to fall...mostly because I was telling myself that I had this coming and I'm not cut out to do this...for most of the ride I WANTED to cry and then I yelled at myself to cry...that's when the first tear fell.
I have ten more months in the position that I currently hold...after that, I don't know what I am doing. I want the next ten months to be spent giving it the good old college try...actually...I want to try more than I did while I was in college...but you get the picture. I need to reinvent myself...revise, renew, rejuvenate, and possibly realize...what I may realize...well, we will see.
Monday, September 8, 2008
A new try at blogging...
It's a new year for me in Public Relations. It's coming with a lot of different emotions and thoughts. I already feel exhausted and we haven't even started traveling yet. This exhaustion comes from looking at our schedule and then looking around the loft and realizing that there are only two of us. The exciting part is that we already have profiles rolling in for our summer program and we don't even know the specifics yet ourselves. The Lord is working in the hearts and minds of young people everywhere.
Despite my hectic schedule I have made an effort to get involved and find community this year. I am incredibly excited to be involved in a small group with my peers who are trying to wade through life being young and new in their careers. It's exciting to have people to share life's ups and downs with, the joys and the sorrows, praises and requests. I love that God never intended for us to go through life alone and that we can come together and be The Body that we are truly meant to be!
The title of this blog comes from 1 Corinthians 15:10 The entire passage (1 Corinthians 15:1-11) is our theme for this year. It's a passage that I am not quite sure that I had read before but it's one that has spoken truth into my life (obviously, it's the bible). It's a reminder to me that I only am who I am because of God's grace and nothing that I have done. This blog is one that I plan to use as yet another form of communication between those who are involved in the ministry that the Lord is doing through me, and for those who just want to know who I am and where I am coming from. I can't promise depth or incredible insights...but I can promise transparency. Here it is...the beginning of my life as a blogger....
Despite my hectic schedule I have made an effort to get involved and find community this year. I am incredibly excited to be involved in a small group with my peers who are trying to wade through life being young and new in their careers. It's exciting to have people to share life's ups and downs with, the joys and the sorrows, praises and requests. I love that God never intended for us to go through life alone and that we can come together and be The Body that we are truly meant to be!
The title of this blog comes from 1 Corinthians 15:10 The entire passage (1 Corinthians 15:1-11) is our theme for this year. It's a passage that I am not quite sure that I had read before but it's one that has spoken truth into my life (obviously, it's the bible). It's a reminder to me that I only am who I am because of God's grace and nothing that I have done. This blog is one that I plan to use as yet another form of communication between those who are involved in the ministry that the Lord is doing through me, and for those who just want to know who I am and where I am coming from. I can't promise depth or incredible insights...but I can promise transparency. Here it is...the beginning of my life as a blogger....
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